Holy Water Can't Help Us Now
by Charlotte Grieves
Summary: Sam and Dean have always fought hard to keep the world safe, to keep each other safe. With the apocalypse drawing near will Dean be able to protect his baby brother? Or will Sam have to sacrifice himself for the greater good? Originally separate one shots but will be thrown together for a tiny eight chapter story. WINCEST/NO LEMONS
1. An Apocalypse and a Hard Place

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR IT'S CHARACTERS! I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE UNLIKELY CANDIDATES LYRICS OR MUSIC!

This piece is based off of the song Follow My Feet by The Unlikely Candidates. This whole story is really just one shots that could go together. It's okay to read them separate but I decided to just put them all together because the situations all revolve around each other. This is my first Supernatural FanFic so don't flame me too badly. Enjoy!

An Apocalypse and a Hard Place

Dean liked the sound of the pavement hitting the soles of his work boots. It was a rhythm that he could keep up with. It was constant. It was reliable. Unlike life the road was always a companion that he could turn to when in need. And he was in need. Just when things started to turn around Destiny had to go and take a shit all over the Winchester family and company. He could handle the apocalypse, he could handle just about anything, but he wouldn't sacrifice his brother like that. One half of the world was better than no Sam, wasn't it? Dean clutched his hand into a fit and beat against his heart. He could feel it sinking, further and further down into the contours of his chest. He walked so he could feel whole again, solid. He didn't care that he was in the middle of the road or that it had started to rain or that he was walking farther and farther away from his brother, his love.

Instead he followed wherever his feet would take him. Unconscious of where he was going, but conscious enough to know he didn't care, he prayed to Cass. He even prayed to God. To give him some sign about what he was supposed to do. Did he throw his brother to the wolves? Or in this case the angels? To Lucifer and Michael? Or should he keep Sam under his wing like a newborn bird? Dean wanted to do the right thing; he wanted to take the highroad. Not for himself, but for the millions of people that would die in this angel on angel war. He shivered in the beating rain, hitting and stinging any patch of skin it sought out. Dean stopped, his steady rhythm interrupted by his indecision. He tried one more time.

_Cass? Are you there? God? I don't know what to do anymore. Your both supposed to look after me. What do I do? Give me a sign?_

Dean waited for anything to pop up. Maybe something big and flashy but figured that wasn't how God did things. Cass maybe, but not God. The wind whipped through his short hair as he stood on the fading yellow lines painted on the road. Right in the middle. He wished he had been kept out of it. He sighed and picked up his rhythm. Dean walked as fast as he could, not caring if it took him a thousand miles away from Sam. But when he finally looked up, set against the black ink sky was their motel sketched out in neon lights. He followed his feet and they led him toward Sam. Dean gave an amused chuckle and smiled, glad that even subconsciously he would never stray too far from his Sammy. He decided he would put on his big boy pants and deal with this like he would any other case. He would fight everyone else's battles for them, like he always did.


	2. The Things You Love You Lose

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!

I suggest listening to Warning Sign by Coldplay while reading this. It just popped up on my Pandora account and I almost cried because of that song writing this. Enjoy and tell me what you think!

The Things You Love You Loose

They both knew it. They both saw it. This night, it was their only one left. These were their last private moments before Dean lost Sam to Lucifer and the pits of Hell. And this time he might not come back. Cass had left and Bobby went to sleep hours ago. Sam and Dean were upstairs, sharing one of the two twin beds in the room Bobby always kept clean for them. It wasn't ideal, but they wanted to stay in each other's line of vision. At least for tonight, they wanted to feel the other. Dean wanted to feel Sam mold himself against every line of his back and Sam wanted to wrap his arms around Dean as tight as he could. So they did, and Dean sighed when he felt Sam press a kiss to the back of his neck. He turned in Sam's arms and ran his fingers through Sam's shaggy hair. And when Dean pulled Sam tight against him they both felt it, the love that seemed to give and take and give again in a never ending circle of rapture that only the Winchester's had.

Dean would never forget this night, and he knew that Sam wouldn't either. Dean wouldn't forget the way Sam's hair felt like velvet wrapped around his clutched fists. Sam wouldn't forget how Dean's skin felt like silk sliding against his own. Dean wouldn't forget laughing at Sam's tall stature and having to kiss his chest because he couldn't reach his lips. And Sam would always remember the way that Dean smiled at him, and how he tried to hide his tears when they finally rested their heads on their pillows. And they would always remember the creaky floorboards, the rain hitting against the window, and how it felt to hold on to consciousness to get just one more look at the other before they were pulled into a dreamless sleep. After all, this was their only night left.


	3. I Smell Graves and Saline

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! I DO NOT OWN ANY OF ROBERT FROST'S POEMS!

This is a bit longer than my usual one shots. I like to keep them short and sweet. Hopefully I did this scene some justice. Enjoy, Follow, Review!

I Smell Graves and Saline

Cass was gone, but that hardly mattered at this point. Lucifer had killed him; Sam had killed him, for buying Dean some time to try to get through to Sam. His Sammy. With Michael out of the way and Bobby the next to go all Dean could think about was saving his brother, his life. So when Lucifer started to kick his ass Dean had never been in more pain. It wasn't physical but emotional. Seeing Sam's face as he beat the life out of Dean tore at his heart and left gashes deep enough to make him wilt from lack of blood. Dean knew that it wasn't Sam, not really. He was now Lucifer's meat bag and that fact still shocked Dean down to his core, and it hurt. It hurt like nothing ever had before, that was until Dean saw the look on Sam/Lucifer's face. It was as if he were nothing more to Sam than a nuisance, a bug that he planned to squash but wasn't worthy of dirtying his shoes over. Gazing up at Sam's annoyed face showing the hate that he harbored for Dean made him cry. And suddenly, all he could do was remember. Remember all the love they had shared, all the kisses, all the fights, and all the close calls that always led them back to the other. It was all gone from Sam's eyes, this Sam that was not Sam. At least not _his_ Sammy, he was gone now. And Dean had never felt as desperate to see his brother's bitch face as he was at that moment. He was pushed violently against the Impala and spit out blood after taking another serious beating to the face.

"It's okay Sammy." Dean spoke to his brother, past just Sam's face and into his eyes, his soul. Because what else could he do? He had tried everything to get Sam to gain control through his love, even just through their brotherly memories. Lucifer reared his fist back behind him and aimed to end Dean's life, just as he wanted. All the while Dean searched his brother's gaze, not looking for any recognition, but wanting the last thing he saw on earth to be his lover's eyes. Sam's pure green eyes that mirrored his own, and their mother's, and their grandfather's and all their ancestors before, that was all Dean ever needed. He traced his lineage that connected with the only other person he truly loved in this world back to Adam and Eve, to Cain and Abel through his one and only's eyes. Those deep greens that spoke so clearly to him he knew what Sam was thinking before Sam himself did. His loves eyes that always reminded Dean of a line from a Robert Frost poem that Sam used to recite after learning of poetry for the first time in the sixth grade.

_Nature's first green is gold. _

Dean finally understood what Frost had meant by that. But now it was all over, Dean could live with that if only Sam didn't have to be alone. Dean would stay in Hell with him for an eternity if it meant that they could be together. But just as Dean closed his eyes, readying himself for the end, Sam let go of his shirt. Dean's eyes snapped open in shock. He was staring at his Sammy. He could tell it was real, the green of Sam's eyes flared with passion and love and regret. Dean could read his mind, Sam wanted to say something, but there was no time. They both knew they wouldn't be alone for long; Michael would have to come back at some point. The Holy Fire bomb Cass threw at him would only keep the Archangel at bay for a couple minutes at best. So Sam went to work opening the cage. Tossing the combined Horsemen's rings on the ground Dean watched as the dirt gave way to a gaping hole in the earth, wind whirling and reaching and sucking. Waiting to have its eternal meal of the famous angel Lucifer back into its stomach, in the very pit of Hell. When the cage was open wide, its teeth the crooked branches of the earth searching hungrily for Lucifer's vessel, Sam turned to Dean.

With tears gathering in both of their eyes at the thought that Sam would leave this world, and Dean, forever Sam quickly gathered him in his arms. Not caring that Michael would be there any moment, wings a blazing, Sam held Dean's face in his monstrous hands. Sam could only get out a swift, "I love you Dean," and a passionate, and desperate, kiss before he gave Dean one more lingering look. It was his last look of Dean, his last time to try and imprint his love's face into his mind. Michael was back by then, trying to convince Sam that this apocalypse had to happen. Dean couldn't keep his eyes off of Sam, his last look at his Sammy. Dean could see the resolve in his eyes, this was it. Sam leaned back and dropped into the pit, taking Lucifer, Michael, and Adam down with him. Dean watched the mouth of Hell close and couldn't help but feel that his heart and soul was being dragged into the cage too, plunging down toward the pit, toward Sam. From his place in the dirt Dean crawled his way toward the horsemen's rings, but he could care less about them at this point. His mind was reeling, too busy trying to work through the shock to comprehend anything else than getting to where Sam had fallen through. Dean plunged his hands into the damp earth, not caring that he could feel his nails tearing and ripping from the surrounding skin. Dean continued his pointless mission, too blinded by grief to see that hoping if he dug deep enough he could pull Sam out or maybe even jump in after him was never going to be a possibility.

Dean felt Cass's presence and then Bobby's. Dean couldn't be bothered to be happy that they were alive again, too ashamed that he couldn't save Sam and too shocked that he was really gone. After Cass healed his face and he saw Bobby pocket the rings Dean felt him lay a hand on his shoulder. It all became too real then, Bobby's comforting hand showed him what he refused to believe was real. Sam was really gone, he wasn't coming back, and Dean would just have to learn to live without his Sammy. But how and when had that ever made sense? Because who had heard of Dean Winchester without his little brother Sam? Suddenly, Dean wished that Cass wouldn't have healed his face. It was the last thing that Sam had touched and as awful as it was Dean wished he could hold onto Sammy as long as possible. Dean couldn't handle the pain anymore; of losing a brother, a lover, and a fellow warrior. Dean screamed, he yelled and shouted and cursed until he tasted blood in the back of his throat and his eyes were so swollen from his panicked tears that he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to the ground, the closest he could get to his brother. Dean continued to do the only thing that he could do; he spilled hurt tears for his lost love on the fresh upturned dirt. That was how Dean stayed, he didn't know for how long, hours maybe but he didn't keep track of time anymore. Dean couldn't bear the thought that it would be morning soon and he would have to move from his post, no matter how much his muscles ached. There Dean would stay for as long as he could, his nostrils filled ominously with the scent of a fresh grave. Sammy's grave.


	4. Icing Over a Secret Pain

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHRACTERS! TITLE INSPIRED BY A LINE OF JUMPER BY THIRD EYE BLIND. I DO NOT OWN ANYOG THEIR MUSIC OR LYRICS!

Icing Over a Secret Pain

Dean stepped over all the hidden spots on the hardwood floor he knew would creak from notches the cheap workers didn't bother to fix. He didn't want to wake Lisa and Ben. Dean sighed at the foot of his bed, the one he shared with Lisa. The same bed he had for a year. He never had a roof over his head, a bed, or even a pillow for any length of time longer than a month at the most. The only thing he had for longer than a year was his Impala, his guns, and Sam. The latter being his only possession that was always taken away from him. Dean squeezed his eyes shut to hold back the tears he wanted to spill. It had been a year, one long and depressing year. A year that seemed to be set on auto pilot. Dean tried, he really did. He loved Lisa and Ben and the life they shared with him but without his brother, without Sammy, it wasn't right. The only reason Dean was with Lisa and Ben was because Sam made him promise that he would try to live a normal life after he was gone. Sam made Dean promise him that he wouldn't try to bring Sam back. Dean had never been more mad or hurt with Sam after that. He did listen though, because Dean would do anything for his brother.

And this is what it got him, feeling stuck. He felt like there was no where he could possibly move from his feet firmly planted and entangled with the roots in their front yard. Dean was supposed to be living a normal life filled with friends and marriage and Ben. Maybe even have Lisa pop out a few kids, but he shuddered at the thought of all that. He didn't even have friends. The men Dean put on barbecues with and went out to grab a beer with were all acquaintances. They were Lisa's friends and were there so that Dean didn't feel so alone, but he still did. When surrounded by smiling, happy faces he wanted to go hide behind a tree and call for his brother. The only real friend he ever had was Cass, and even he stopped visiting. Dean had Bobby and Sam of course but they were family, they didn't count. Sam. Sammy. The name left a bittersweet taste on the tip of his tongue, like coffee without enough creamer. Dean turned on his side, away from Lisa, not wanting her to see he was anything other than happy. The salt and pistol he kept under their bed proved otherwise. Dean didn't think he could go on feeling so detached, like he was floating. Sometimes going with the flow was dangerous and he was tired of just going through the motions. Dean loved Lisa and Ben but he knew something had to give. He couldn't live not hunting; he had to make his brother proud. He couldn't live without his Sammy. He needed something to change, desperately. Otherwise, Dean didn't know how much more loneliness he could take.


	5. Howling Ghosts, They Reappear

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHRACTERS! TITLE BASED ON A LINE FROM THE SONG KING AND LIONHEART BY OF MONSTERS AND MEN. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THEIR LYRICS OR MUSIC!

Howling Ghosts, They Reappear

Dean thought he saw Yellow Eyes, Azazel. Dean thought he saw Sam, Sammy. He just chalked it up to wishful thinking. When something was wrong his mind went right to Sam, it always did. Dean got lucky sometimes, through his own account, but nothing good ever happened to him. It had been a year, the longest either had been without the other since Sam left for Stanford. Nothing was going to change or get better unless he left, but Dean couldn't do that. He couldn't hurt the family that took him in, loved him. But once Dean opened his eyes and found a dirty, abandoned cabin filled with cobwebs and the only thing he ever loved that all changed. Sam's worried expression was peering down at him through sleepy hair and Dean's eyes immediately filled with tears. It was his Sammy, he knew it was real. Dean didn't need Sam to go through their ritual when one or the other miraculously comes back from Hell. He knew it was Sam, but Dean also didn't want to be filled with dread if he discovered Sam really was still dead and someone had finally come to gank him wearing his only weaknesses skin. As usual, Sam didn't listen to him and proceeded with caution. Holy Water. Salt. Silver Dagger. He was really Sam.

Dean could feel his throat closing up and his heart kicking into over drive. All the emotional crap that he made fun of everyone else for feeling rushed in and took over. One second Dean was coping and the next he was crying and he wasn't afraid to admit that he was, but only a little. Dean gripped Sam so tight he thought they would meld into one person; he kind of hoped they would. He knew that he was soaking Sam's shirt from his tears but he didn't care. Apparently, neither did Sam because he held Dean close and ran a hand through his hair. Just like when they were younger and they both couldn't sleep, only to awaken and find that both of their fists were wrapped in the others messy hair. When Dean pulled back to look at Sam, to make sure this wasn't a dream, he couldn't help himself. He kissed Sam, full on the lips. Dean didn't worry about Sam not wanting him in that fashion anymore because of his trip downstairs or that maybe Sam wanted to take it slow. He just let all his love flow through his veins and into Sam's lips. And his Sammy responded by smiling against Dean's lips and wrapping his arms even tighter around his brother. Dean laughed happily and leaned against his one and only love. Sam sighed, this time in annoyance. He was sure Dean would make a good lay, from what he could remember, but he was tired of all the emotion behind this. Maybe if he could pry his brother off his jock he could go to a bar and see what he could find in this Podunk town people called a home.


	6. You Can Feel His Disease

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! TITLE IS BASED ON A LINE FROM COME TOGETHER BY THE BEATLES. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THEIR LYRICS OR MUSIC!

You Can Feel His Disease

Dean had seen a lot of crap in his life, most he didn't even want to remember. But he absolutely could not believe what was happening to him. He tensed up and pulled out his cell and pistol. Speed dialing Sam he ran in the opposite direction of the bright shimmering ball of light that was no way in hell an alien. Sam unhurriedly picked up on the other line but before he could answer the phone Dean screamed at him.

"Sam! It's an alien spaceship! I'm having a first encounter!" Dean screeched over the line making Sam pull the phone away from ears in annoyance. He seemed mildly interested if only for the reason that there could possibly be aliens.

"Hey, be careful about a fourth one. I hear it's a butt thing." Sam gave generously. Dean stared at his cell phone, incredulously.

Out of breath he gasped out, "Empathy, Sam! What the hell? Are you at a bar?" The sound of pool tables in the background alerted Dean to the fact that Sam was at a bar drinking when he was supposed to be doing research. And that he was in the presence of females, it made Dean's heart drop to the pit of his stomach. Sam just chuckled and conveniently waved silently at the waitress for another beer while checking out her ass at the same time.

_Eh, Alright. _

Dean screamed over the line while Sam heard shot after shot ignite from his ever present pistol. All Dean thought before he disappeared was that he hoped he would come back so that he could see his Sammy again. The one that _loved _Dean. The one that _needed _Dean. He wouldn't leave this world until he fought, heart and soul, to get that special love he had with the real Sam back. No matter how much it hurt.

"Dean? Dean?" Sam hung up the phone. He supposed that Dean had been taken, abducted or what-the-hell-ever and he had to go look for him now. He would finish his beer first. Then he would do some investigating. And maybe go pick up that waitress with the "alright" ass.


	7. Softly Spoken Lies

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! TITLE BASED ON A LINE FROM PEPPER BY THE BUTTHOLE SURFERS. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THEIR LYRICS OR MUSIC! I DO NOT OWN ANY OF MUSE'S MUSIC OR LYRICS!

I was listening to Madness by Muse while writing this so it's inspired by that song. Enjoy!

Softly Spoken Lies

"When you said those words to me I thought my world would fall apart." _I don't even really care about you. _Dean recalled that day so clearly, even though it happened months ago. Sam stared at him with the very same face and hair, but with such different eyes. They were empty and hollow. His lack of soul made them so. And Dean could still not believe that Sam meant those words.

"Even after everything we had been through. The love we had, the memories we shared, the fights with each other, physical or no. Each memory was important. A whole year passed and I finally get you back. But this is what you've become? And to me of all people? You're not really Sam, not anymore. But I'm going to bring him back no matter what, because I know this is real love and that we were meant for each other. Nothing and no one will keep us apart, ever." The door slammed shut and Dean jumped, swiveling around to see Sam staring at him.

"Checking yourself out in the mirror Dean?" Sam smirked at him. Dean frowned and lowered his gaze to the ground. The speech he had practiced so hard on for weeks flew out of his mind. Suddenly, he was too afraid to say anything to the man that he knew all his life. The man that was always constant yet became the man that had changed. Dean turned and laid down on his bed, facing the other direction while Sam laughed and headed for the shower. Dean didn't want soulless Sam to see the tears building in his eyes as Sam washed the scent of another meaningless girl away. Because Dean knew that Sam wouldn't care and it would only hurt worse when he would reject Dean for the millionth time just to see the look on his face.


	8. They Should Worry, I Taught You Well

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! TITLE BASED ON A LINE FROM THE SONG KING AND LIONHEART BY OF MONSTERS AND MEN. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THEIR LYRICS OR MUSIC!

This is the end! Thanks to all who read! I hope you enjoyed the journey. I'm going to post another one shot that can go with this one but I wanted to end this one shot series on a good note. So the other will be posted separately but it's only going to be one and I'm not going to continue this Supernatural. More will be up though so stay tuned!

They Should Worry, I Taught You Well

Dean's paint and blood smeared work boots thudded against the cracked dusty hard wood flooring that desperately needed a polishing. He was nervous. Dean had succeeded in getting Sam's soul back but he would be the same? Dean almost didn't want to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help it. He hoped. He hoped that when Sam woke up they could pick up right where they left off, in each other's arms the night before they knew it was their last. Dean counted the seconds until his Sammy woke up. He did the only thing he could in a situation like this. He paced. And paced. And paced. Dean was equal parts anxious and excited. He could feel it eat at his nerves and almost jumped out of his skin when he heard his Sasquatch of a brother's hooves pound down the hall. Dean tensed at the sight of Sam. He looked like he had before, tall and in shape with the same shaggy hair that Dean loved to run his hands through. Yet he was different. Dean noticed the look in Sam's eyes; they were back to the shining liquid pools of emerald that on several accounts Dean could have sworn he drowned in. He could see Sam's soul in his eyes. Dean thought the famous saying was appropriate in this situation.

Sam scratched his head and looked up. He saw Bobby first. His eyes lit up, Sam was with his family again. He wrapped his pseudo father in an incredibly strong hug. Dean didn't care that this called for all the lovey dovey crap that he gave everyone else shit for, he wanted to join in. So when Sam turned to him they were both surprised when neither moved. They both stared at the other. Unbelieving that they got another chance to do it right this time. Sensing they needed a moment Bobby silently excused himself. Neither knew who made the move first but soon they were tangled around the other. Both breathing in their distinct secents and touching whatever part they could reach, mostly sticking to hair and the other's faces. They molded their bodies so close they couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. When they pulled apart enough to look at each other, to make sure they were both really there and together, they sighed in relief.

"I missed you so much Dean. I love you." Sam smiled through wet eyes and so did Dean. As much as he didn't want to admit it Dean was worried that Sam wouldn't want him the same way anymore. Relief started at his heart and flooded through his system, ending at his eyes, making them water with the sweetness of this moment that Dean would never forget.

"Me too, baby boy. Me too." Dean touched his lips to Sam's and they both sighed. Feeling like they had finally let go of a breath they had been holding in for over a year.


End file.
